Experiencing Trauma

and reconnecting to the authentic self

 “Every human has a true authentic self. Trauma is the disconnection from it and healing is the reconnection to it.” - Gabor Mate

Someone asked me the other day; ‘How are you so wise?” I joked, “It’s all the trauma.”

Big or small, all traumas are impactful and a factor in how we perceive ourselves, and relate to others. 

Facing our traumas can be terrifying, and we have a tendency to believe it is easier to lock them in a mental box and bury it under addiction, work, and attachments. After a while we may not even remember them, but we are still left with the residue of dysfunction. 

Suppressing the experiences that negatively impact us only invites more negative experiences into our lives, set to replay over and over with different characters etc. Ultimately, we become stuck in an unconscious matrix of our own minds, disconnected from our authentic selves, open to inauthentic experiences and never truly satisfied.

I don’t claim to be an expert in anything other than my own life experience, but I believe the reality is; trauma is at the root of most all of us, and healing from our trauma is what sets us on our path to ascension, which is; to create new and better realities for ourselves. 

For me, the first step in my healing was to recognize that my traumatic experiences were all lessons from the universe, leading me to right now.  

“I need solitude, which is to say, recovery, return to myself, the breath of a free light, playful air.”  -Friedrich Nietzsche

In all of my romantic relationships, I have endured some type of trauma. My highschool sweet heart’s bipolar disorder led him to attempt suicide, my children’s father was unfaithful, isolated me, and was mentally and emotionally abusive, and six months after getting married, my husband, in a drunken rage, threw me down on a dark street - one of many incidents, but the most terrifying by far. 

Even in my most recent relationship, which I believed would be the ‘one,’ I suffered the worst heartbreak of them all, shattering all illusions of what I thought love was. 

Stuck in my own mind matrix, I replayed dysfunctional relationship after dysfunctional relationship, paralyzed by my trauma and unable to explore my own potential with an open heart. 

While I do feel vulnerable sharing my experiences, there is courage in vulnerability, and peace in knowing that I am now choosing a path in service to spirit, and authenticity. 

I know that I have an enormous capacity to empathize with any person or situation, and I want to use my experience and creativity to lift the spirits of others. I am meant to embrace my sensitive nature and tap into my healing abilities; helping others open their hearts and be in service to their own authenticity.